Ok, I have decided to start a joke of the week post here. I hope I rember to keep doing theese posts.
For the first joke of the week I have decided to feature something we all know way too well, computers. Each of the jokes below has been taken from this site somewhere
- We’ve all heared that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriterswill eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks tothe internet, we know this is not true.
- Webster’s Dictionary definition of Windows Vista. Windows Vista: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can’t stand 1 bit of competition.
- If Hewlett-Packard made toasters…They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster,which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.
- Top Ten Signs You Bought A Bad ComputerLower corner of screen has the words “Etch-a-sketch” on it. It’s celebrity spokesman is that “Hey Vern!” guy. In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend’s car. It’s slogan is “Pentium: redefining mathematics”. The “quick reference” manual is 120 pages long. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling. The screen often displays the message, “Ain’t it break time yet?” The manual contains only one sentence: “Good Luck!” The only chip inside is a Dorito. You’ve decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.
For more computer jokes visit http://www.thunderjokes.com/category/computers/ and http://www.thunderjokes.com/category/computing-jokes/
Alright, this is an update for ThunderJokes. My online name is Ant-Lion and I have a personal blog here I recently brought this website since I have a passion for humor
Since acquiring this website I have have started to promote the website. It has been my dream for a long time to own a joke website and when I saw such a website for sale it was too much to resist and I decided to buy the website. This saved me a lot of time as I did not have to type everything in my self.
I have a passion for humor and jokes ranging from bad to comedy gold an this website has a wide range of jokes suitable for most if not all tastes. I am also planning on posting humorous images to this website and will dedicate an entire section to it.
As new jokes are always being created I have decided to make it possible for people to post their own jokes to this website, if you want to post your own joke sign up to the website and post it although I do screen all submissions so that I don’t get in trouble with my web host or allow spammers to abuse this website.
I am considering also setting up a joke of the week email news letter for those who are interested in it although spammers have given email news letters a bad name so I might not end up setting up such an email news letter and instead post the joke of the week on the homepage of this site.
|Q: What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?A: Cockerpoodledoo!Q: What do you call a sheepdog’s tail that can tell tall stories?A: A shaggy dogs tale!Q: Why do dogs run in circles?A: Because its hard to run in squares!Q: How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?A: Terrier-fied!Q: What do you get if you cross a gun dog with a telephone?A: A golden receiver!Q: What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog?A: Dingo Starr!Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly?A: The collie wobbles!Q: What do you call a black Eskimo dog?A: A dusky husky!Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog?A: A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!Q: When does a dog go “moo”?A: When it is learning a new language!
|Q: What kind of meat do you give a stupid dog?A: Chump chops!Q: How many seasons are there in a dogs life?A: Just one, the moulting season!Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?A: It doesn’t matter what you call him, he still won’t come!Q: Why is it called a “litter” of puppies?A: Because they mess up the whole house!Q: How do you stop a dog smelling?A: Put a peg on it’s nose!Q: What is the best time to take a Rottweiler for a walk?A: Any times he wants to!Q: When is a black dog not a black dog?A: When it’s a greyhound!Q: How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon?A: Melon-collie!Q: What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair of headphones?A: Hush puppies!Q: What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow?A: Slush puppies!
|Q: Why do you need a licence for a dog and not for a cat?A: Cats can’t drive!Q: What do you call a dog in the middle of a muddy road?A: A mutt in a rut!Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a blind mole?A: A dog that keeps barking up the wrong tree!Q: What do you call a happy Lassie?A: A jolly collie!Q: What do you call a nutty dog in Australia?A: A dingo-ling!Q: What dog loves to take bubble baths?A: A shampoodle!Q: How do you catch a runaway dog?A: Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!Q: What dogs are best for sending telegrams?A: Wire haired terriers!!Q: What kind of dog does a vampire prefer?A: Any kind of bloodhound!Q: What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?A: A bud hound!
|Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah?A: A dog that chases cars - and catches them!Q: What happens when it rains cats and dogs?A: You can step in a poodle!Q: What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear?A: A petticoat!Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?A: A terrified postman!Q: What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?A: His bark was much worse than it’s bite!Q: What is a dogs favorite flower?A: Anything in your garden!Q: What dog wears contact lenses?A: A cock-eyed spaniel!Q: What’s a dog favorite hobby?A: Collecting fleas!Q: What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal?A: That hit the spots!Q: What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a hyena?A: I don’t know but I’ll join in if it laughs!
|Q: What is a dog’s favorite sport?A: Formula 1 drooling!Q: What do you get if you take a really big dog out for a walk?A: A Great Dane out!Q: Where does a Rottweiller sit in the cinema?A: Anywhere it wants to!Q: What did the angry man sing when he found his slippers chewed up by the new puppy?A: “I must throw that doggie out the window!”Q: What kind of dog does Dracula have?A: A bloodhound!Q: Why did the dog wear white sneakers?A: Because his boots were at the menders!Q: What is a dog’s favorite food?A: Anything that is on your plate!Q: What is the only kind of dog you can eat?A: A hot dog!Q: What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it?A sausage dog!Q: What do you do if your dog eats your pen?A: Use a pencil instead!
|Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with Concorde?A: A jet setter!Q: What do dogs have that no other animal has?A: Puppy dogs!Q: Why did the dachshund bite the woman’s ankle?A: Because he was short and couldn’t reach any higher!Q: Where do Eskimos train their dogs?A: In the mush room!Q: Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?Because frost bites!Q: What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog?A: An animal that barks at low flying aircraft!Q: What do you call an alcoholic dog?A: A whino!Q: What is the difference between Father Christmas and a warm dog?A: Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just pants!Q: When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house?A: When the door is open!Q: Why don’t dogs make good dancers?A: Because they have two left feet!
|Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?A: Because you can’t bury them in trees!Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?A: He was trying to make both ends meet!Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?A: A collie-flower!Q: Why do dogs wag their tails?A: “Because no one else will do it for them!” Q: Why didn’t the dog speak to his foot?A: Because it’s not polite to talk back to your paw!Q: What is the dogs favorite city?A: New Yorkie!Q: Who is the dogs favorite comedian?A: Growlcho Marx!Q: What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?A: “Well, doggone!” Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?A: He stole the show!Q: How can if you have a stupid dog?A: It chases parked cars!
|Q: Which day of the week do chickens hate most?A: Fry-day!Q: What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg?A: It eggs-plodes!Q: Why did the chick disappoint his mother?A: He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be!Q: Is chicken soup good for your health?A: Not if you’re the chicken!Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?A: To get to the other side!Q: What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?A: “You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!” Q: Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again?A: Because he was a dirty double-crosser!Q: Why didn’t the chicken skeleton cross the road?A: Because he didn’t have enough guts!Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?A: To get to the other slide!
|Q: What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?A: They go on peck-nics!Q: What do chickens serve at birthday parties?A: Coop-cakes!Q: What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?A: An eggroll!Q: What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg?A: The bombshell!Q: What does an alarm cluck say?A: “Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo!” Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?A: Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!Q: How long do chickens work?A: Around the cluck!Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?A: To prove he wasn’t chicken!Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?A: To cockadoodle dooo something!
|Q: Why don’t chickens like people?A: They beat eggs!Q: Why did the rooster run away?A: He was chicken!Q: What do chickens grow on?A: Eggplants!Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?A: He heard the referee calling fowls Q: Why is it easy for chicks to talk?A: Because talk is cheep!Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?A: A bird that lays down!Q: What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?A: She lays hand gren-eggs!Q: Why did the chicken cross the “net”?A: It wanted to get to the other site!Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?A: An alarm cluck!Q: Why did the chicken cross the road half way?A: He wanted to lay it on the line!
|Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?A: Because chickens hadn’t evolved yet Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?A: To get to the shell station Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?A: Because it was stuck to the chicken!Q: Why did the horse cross the road?A: Because the chicken needed a day off Q: Why did the cow cross the road?A: To get to the udder side!Q: Why did the chicken end up in the soup?A: Because it ran out of cluck!Q: What happened when the chicken ate cement?A: She laid a sidewalk!Q: What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken?A: She kicked the bucket!Q: What do you call a crazy chicken?A: A cuckoo cluck!Q: What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way?A: She was tickled to death!
|Why was the centipede late?Because he was playing “This little Piggy” with his baby brother!What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?A walkie talkie!What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?A centipede with chilblains!What has 50 legs but cant walk?Half a centipede!What do you call a guard with 100 legs?A sentrypede!What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken?Enough drumsticks to feed an army!What did one centipede say to the other centipede?You’ve got a lovely pair of legs, You’ve got a lovely pair of legs,You’ve got a lovely pair of legs,You’ve got a lovely pair of legs,You’ve got a lovely pair of legs,You’ve got a lovely pair of legs ….!Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team?He took too long to put his boots on!What is worse than an alligator with toothache?A centipede with athlete’s foot!What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk?A centipede with a wooden leg!
|What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day?Turns over a new leaf!What is the definition of a caterpillar?A worm in a fur coat!What has stripes and pulls a tractor?A caterpillar tractor!What does a cat go to sleep on?A caterpillow!What’s green and dangerous?A caterpillar with a machine gun!What pillar doesn’t need holding up?A caterpillar!
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